i was released from prison a little bit early tonight, about 2 hours. how nice! i almost slipped in the bathroom earlier (curse the puddle of water under the sink!!!), and now the muscle in my right leg is very sore---i put a lot of weight on it when i caught myself. and that's how my day went. (:

earlier i got an email from my older sister, sandy, asking about how i was, and the baby and such, plus to put me on the spot about our father. it's a really complicated thing, he wasn't around for me or shauna growing up (w/ the exception of weekend or 2 every year). of all 7 daughters, we're the 2 he's been least involved w/. the thing is, i'm not bitter about it in the least. you hear the stories of people who didn't have their fathers in their lives and they seem so traumatized by it, but i don't feel like i missed out on anything. i don't think there's anything he could've offered me growing up that would've made me a better person today. i told him that some years ago, and not to completely write him off, but to let him know that i don't NEED him in my life. now things are awkward, they have been ever since. sandy basically wanted to know if i want anything to do w/ him, if i want him to be a grandfather to my son (the first boy to enter my father's side of the family in quite a while). i'm not sure how to answer. i won't say that he can't be in my son's life, b/c that would be cruel. but to say that i want him in MY life, as if everything would magically fix itself, and suddenly my life is complete---it's not that easy. my father had a heart attack a month or so ago, and i realize he won't live forever. but building a relationship from where we are now will be hard. i'm not sure if i want to yet.

it's almost 1 am, and i'm coming close to falling asleep at my desk. so i'll close.

goodnight!